i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
