Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
