My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
