I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
