I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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