I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
