My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
