Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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