he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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