found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
