How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
