Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
