Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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