I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
