consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
