What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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