just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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