I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
