I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
