I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
