I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
