I just cut my nipple shaving
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
