It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
someone owes me an orgasm
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
