was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we're making bets on your personal life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize