Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

we have pet lesbian snakes

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(302): View more from Delaware

I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.

(302): View more from Delaware

I love summer.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought

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(408): View more from California

I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA

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(513): View more from Ohio

And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...

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