My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
