I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
