I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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