I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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