it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
