I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
