I'm sorry my penis didn't work
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
