Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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