My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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