yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize