The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
