shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
