i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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