The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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