it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
