Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
