her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
