____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
