I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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