I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize