And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
