She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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