Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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