Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were trust falling into bushes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
