check it out our google latitudes are spooning
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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