Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
