Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
