I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
