porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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