So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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