i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
