I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
