very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
