I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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