I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
