Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
