it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
