do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i think i just lost a toe
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
