Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
