The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
