Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize