if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
