Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet

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(304): View more from West Virginia

please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker

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(305): View more from Florida

i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.

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(831): View more from California

So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...

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(619): View more from California

Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex

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(757): View more from Virginia

then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

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(303): View more from Colorado

According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I smell like Dick and happiness

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