do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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