So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
