my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
