At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
