When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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