there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
