I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize