It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
