I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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