what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
