Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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